My appointment today went ok, kind of…….If feeling like I’m back at square 1 and haven’t exactly gotten anywhere in the last 8 years, can be called ok.
The result of today is that I am changing medication, which means that I have to come off the medication that I’m on now, over the next four weeks – which is quite frankly terrifying.
I’ve also discovered today that I hate the new name of EUPD, Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder just feels like a slap in the face, the word ‘unstable’ makes people think that I’m going to turn around and kill them or something, when in reality I’m more of a risk to myself than others.
The new medication didn’t exactly come with a glowing endorsement either, ‘to be honest, I don’t think it will help, but we’ll try it’ is not exactly the sentence you want to hear from a Doctor, it doesn’t boost my confidence.
So now I feel like crying out of frustration and like I’m failing at ‘recovery’ because nothing has really changed in the last eight years.
I suppose that I just need to take things a day at a time and remain positive. Overall though, my mood has been pretty good, I’ve just been anxious about the appointment and wondering what to expect but now that it’s over, I’m thinking, what was I worried about…..