On the days where you feel like nothing is going right, when the sadness is creeping in and you just want someone to talk to, you really are not alone, Personally I don’t like making phone calls, so these Mental Health Helplines are mostly text or IM services and I seem to find it easier to express myself when I have some anonymity.
The purpose of this post is to talk about the Mental Health helplines and resources that I have found the most helpful (especially if you don’t like making phone calls), in the hopes that someone else will also find one of these useful and can feel a little less alone if you are struggling.
My appointment today went ok, kind of…….If feeling like I’m back at square 1 and haven’t exactly gotten anywhere in the last 8 years, can be called ok.
The result of today is that I am changing medication, which means that I have to come off the medication that I’m on now, over the next four weeks – which is quite frankly terrifying.
I’ve also discovered today that I hate the new name of EUPD, Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder just feels like a slap in the face, the word ‘unstable’ makes people think that I’m going to turn around and kill them or something, when in reality I’m more of a risk to myself than others.
The new medication didn’t exactly come with a glowing endorsement either, ‘to be honest, I don’t think it will help, but we’ll try it’ is not exactly the sentence you want to hear from a Doctor, it doesn’t boost my confidence.
So now I feel like crying out of frustration and like I’m failing at ‘recovery’ because nothing has really changed in the last eight years.
I suppose that I just need to take things a day at a time and remain positive. Overall though, my mood has been pretty good, I’ve just been anxious about the appointment and wondering what to expect but now that it’s over, I’m thinking, what was I worried about…..
I’m making a pledge to be more active on my blog, so I will be trying to post at least once a week.
I know a lot of people probably find my posts boring, but that’s ok. My goal with this blog is to have somewhere to get all my thoughts and feelings out, so that I wasn’t being burdened by them and so far things seem to be working well.
I’m finding my blog more helpful than the techniques I have learnt in CBT to be honest.
For my appointment on Monday, I need to work up the courage to speak my mind. Usually saying what I think isn’t an issue, but when it comes to doctors I think ’what do I know? They have a medical degree.’ – but as someone close to be pointed out to me – my opinion counts because it’s my brain and I know how I do or don’t feel.
I started off thinking to myself that they are going to tell me that I am fine for some reason and that I can’t be helped, this train of thought caused me three panic attacks last week.
I shall have to find the resolve to make the comments and speak my mind on Monday – I don’t feel that the medication I am on is helping as much as I need. There are bound to be other medications apart from Fluoxetine that can help with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Anyone also diagnosed with BPD, what meds do you take and what are they for??
My mood the last few days has been really good, despite the weather being pretty crap for June.
The closer it gets to 3pm on the 24th June, the sicker I feel, but i can’t let my anxiety about this appointment win – It’s just the fear of the unknown and not knowing what to expect.
I have been spending more time volunteering this week, the team of people that I work with a truly amazing and have helped my Mental Health more than they know. I don’t know what I would be doing if I didn’t have that support, it’s been the constant in my life for approx. 4 years now.
Last week I decided that I would try and track my BPD symptoms, so I purchased a Borderline Personality Disorder Journal on Amazon, which allows me to rate my symptoms on a scale of 0-5 and keep track of my triggers.
The point to buying this book is that I can hopefully take it with me to Therapy and Doctors appointments so that I don’t have to try and remember every little thing and possibly neglect to mention something important.
Week 1 charted – I’m due a joint meeting with my therapist and a psychiatrist on the 24th of this month, so I want a record of my moods to take with me. I’m terrified that somehow they are going to tell me that I am fine and that they can’t help me anymore or something.
Today’s mood is at 100% – Even though I’ve had some issues over the last week, I’m prepared to leave them in the past and focus on the here and now. So today I am calm, loving the beautiful weather and blue skies and appreciating the beauty of the planet. It’s a new week and a fresh start, so I’m going to get back to healthy eating and weight loss, because I can’t keep putting it off and ignoring things, I’m at the highest weight I have ever been and it’s got to change.