It shouldn’t surprise me when I get depressed, after 8 years on this emotional rollercoaster, I should be used to things, the constant up and down.
A part of me wants to go to my Therapy appointment tomorrow as I am – I haven’t washed my hair in a week and my personal hygiene is questionable at the moment, The antidepressants no longer seem to work properly, as I feel like crap and am debating necking the lot of them.
Another part of me, says no. I have to get washed and dressed and be presentable and put on a smile and pretend like I’m fine, and like my moods ok and the meds are working, because I feel like a burden to my friends and family, if I say I need help or if I’m struggling.
I think to myself, I can’t take up a doctors time because someone else needs it more than I do, someone who has far more reason to have an illness than I do.
Apart from forcing myself to go to a friends baby shower – in which I was no doubt judged for my outfit and not having washed my hair, I have spent the weekend either lying in bed, staring at the ceiling or sleeping.
I have an app on my phone that asks you to identify your emotions each day and what the factors causing the emotion are, today I wasn’t able to fill it in, as I’m not sure what I feel exactly.