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What is normal?

Between feeling at one with the world one minute and wanting to cry for no reason, the next, I think it’s pretty obvious that my good mood has well and truly done a runner.

I find myself taking sanctuary in the public library – it has become my safe space, I can get away from everything, turn my phone on silent and I don’t have to speak to anyone.

Just me and whatever project I’ve been working on.

My current project will no doubt go the way of the rest – forgotten about for weeks and then picked up again as I’d never left it.

Ever been in such a good mood that you feel like you could learn piano in a day? I have; Got a keyboard, took an online course and then moved on to something else about a week later. Still can’t play the piano.

Thought to myself – ‘you know what, I’m going to write a book about my life and Mental Health’, I’ve written two chapters and haven’t looked at it in months.

These constant up and down moods are exhausting, I’m not entirely sure that the antidepressants I am on are working very well. My main reason for sticking with them is that I don’t gain weight when I’m on them – vain of me, I know.

I keep being asked by doctors “What’s a normal stable mood period like for me?”

My answer is I don’t know. I don’t know what’s normal.

Is it;

  • Being in a good mood to the point where I feel like I can take on anything
  • Dropping to a low in which I plan how I would kill myself

Or is it

  • Feeling like I have so much energy and can do lots of things but at the same time being in such a bad mood that I wonder what the point of life really is?.

I wouldn’t know what a normal mood was if it slapped me in the face.

Erin x

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